Author: Bruce Shark

O, look.

A dinner ball.

I swim in with mah mouf open.

nom nom nom

Happeh Shark Week to me….

They were out of gingerbread men…animal cookies it is.

I mean, I’ve never had zebra, but ya gotta improvise.

This is a babeh sunfish.

Looks like a fancy ravioli.

(Photo by David G. Johnson)

At the pet fud place for kittens, and saw this little pupper about to get trimmed….

He wasn’t having fun.

Ooo, sharks doing stuff.

You mad, again, Bro?

Stick to the pool, Mikey.

/……victory lap around Phelps….

Dear humans:

As the chosen spokesshark, I’d like to take a moment to address some stuff you seem to be worried about.

We actually don’t like the way you taste.

We aren’t looking to “attack” you.

Very few shark related injuries a year occur on an average…and usually they aren’t fatal.

Meanwhile, you kill MILLIONS OF US.

DAILY.

You are more likely to die: slipping in yer own tub, taking a selfie, battling a toaster, getting hit by lightning, getting injured eating, mosquitoes, car accidents, and of course when you kill each other, which you do A LOT.

I understand Shark Week can be cheesy, overly dramatic, and even sensationalized…I didn’t make the line up, and we have spoken to Discovery about their content.

But this is also true: largely, People don’t like facts..and many humans like over the top flashy click baity stuff…

How money is gathered/gotten for research and helping my kind is based on viewership sometimes….Dr. Chris Lowe of Shark Lab spent HOURS pouring over a script for some footage shot on Friday, and wisely took his red pen to much of it… because it wasn’t accurate.

Stop killing us.

Stop killing yerselves.

Signed,

-The Sharks

I’M CRYING…

LOOKIT MAH SWEARS!