Category: Bruce Shark

Dear Murrrddder Bugs….

by Bruce Shark, posted in Bruce Shark

Dear Murrrddder Bugs….

NOT TODAY, MUTHA FUKKAS!

I SEE YOU….

Mostly because when I went to trim this here palm frond you decided to build yer freaky home upon, you flew out in masse to attack mah face and body.

Today, I WIN…. YOU LOSE….

But just barely….you drew first blud, thus causing me to trip backwards, landing on already severed palm fronds, slicing mah sandpaperesque skin (them palm fronds are srs bidness, folks) and thus causing mah own blud to seep out… I liek mah blud where it is, thankyouverymuch.

So, you are nao ded.

I sprayed you from afar with murder bug spray and you deied.

Refrain from building on mah property and I won’t keel you and yer family.

Also, ow ow ow.

And ow.

Hot shower time.

For anyone having a shitty day/week/life rite nao:

by Bruce Shark, posted in Bruce Shark

For anyone having a shitty day/week/life rite nao:

I stopped by a local park because I heard something under the shark mobile….and wanted to see what it was.

A plastic bag had gotten stuck, and so I climbed under to extract it and upon straightening up, promptly inhaled a large flying bug into mah nose, causing me to cough and screech, attracting the attention of a lovely lady and her puppy enjoying her picnic and quiet, which made me embarrassed and apologetic, and still coughing, COUGHED OUT THE BUG.

So gross.

Also, I pulled a muscle in mah back and almost barfed.

She was sweet, but started laughing really hard and I keeled a bug that went INTO MAH NOSE AND CAME OUT MAH MOUF.

So you could laugh, too.

Yer welcome, g+.